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525600 Journies to PlanTuesday, April 11, 200611:43PM - my results for a surveyAdvanced Global Personality Test Results 11:24PMso you're the one that's always hurting and you can't listen to pain. So you're the one that's sensitive but you can't see past my origin of birth. So you are the one that's afraid but when i stick up for myself i'm wrong. I'm not sorry that i'm courageous, that i try to understand, that i have problems. I have the right to be wrong and so do you. I have no wish to change you. I like YOU the way you are. Are you imperfect? yea, of course. You're only human. But i wish not to silence you because to do that would be to alienate the ideals i hold dear. I just wish you could see past my opinions to the fact that i don't want to change you. The world will one day lift the blinders from you. If someone came up to you and asked you what to change about me, you'd say the place i was born, possibly the fact that i'm half minority, the fact that i'm liberal, the fact that i'm outgoing and adventurous, my "insensitivity", and the fact that i don't want to submit eternally to the will of my husband, that is if i marry ever. So you only want me to be submissive on a pragmatic basis. But I refuse silence. I refuse to want to be someone else. I am me and i'm proud. But right now i'm hurting and you don't see that. That's what hurts most Tuesday, March 14, 20063:01PMLife can get busy, complicated, messy, boring, or even out of control at times. But atleast I still have my free will right? I mean, I make a decision, it sucks, and there's nothing I can do but face the consequences of that decision....yet it's okay because it was my decision and I am enough of a woman to stand up to the consequences of my actions. I'm fine with that. I'm okay with life, even though it can suck royally at times. As far as I know, it's better than the alternative. But at any rate, there is still some assemblance of control in the life of an individual when they assume the responsibility for their actions. But is modern, capitalistic, overly commercialized society okay with that? NO FUCKIN WAY!! People take responsiblity for their own stupidity? Maybe back before the drug companies took over the world. Now everything is a disease or disorder. ADD, codependancy...BITE MY ASS CORPORATE AMERICA!!! All I want is for you money grubbing swine to leave me with my free will and some assemblage of human rights. But no Sara, that's not right. Don't be in denial...you can't make bad, horrible, no good decisions simply because of a momentary lack in judgement, because it seemed fun at the time, because you're random, or because you're just a horrible person. No, that can't be it at all...you need therapy...that's right, we don't even have good drugs that we'll prescibe so that you can refuse to take them...I guess that's enough of a rant for now...you guys get it...I don't want a disorder. I don't want to let my family have that much of an affect to say that the horrible way in which I was raised affected me at all. I survived, and as far as I know i'm doing okay. So I have some trust issues, boundary issues, I assume responsibility for things unneccesarily, and I'm incapable of a healthy relationship. That doesn't mean shit. I'm 18 years old for cryin out loud. But I suppose there are some of you sayin, Sara you're just in denial. I hope that you get hit by a handicapped bus in a freak indoor accident which you don't see coming and hurts like hell but amazingly leaves no permanent or long term damage. That's all i'm sayin. Current mood:  enragedMonday, February 13, 20061:45AM - oh sundays...When some people get bored, they do drugs. Others doodle, yet others listen to music. But not my friends and I. NOO...we go sledding down a hill in laundry baskets, because that is always a good idea...specifically when you can't stop and run your head into a building. Yea, that's right...building 1, Sara 0. That felt wonderful, i've gotta tell ya. Other than that, my day's been okay though...I got a nice amount of reading done, went to the apartments, and had a general good time. Fun comment of the day to finish off this short and uninspired entry: Jen and Lydia threw snowballs into Dusty and Nate's room. Then, Jen, Lydia, Carrie, and I went up and asked for our snowball back. Dusty laughed. As we were walking away, Jen said "Yeah, that's like shooting someone and asking for the bullet back". Saturday, February 11, 20063:07AM - Cranium: the other marxist opiad of the massesSo I've been playing Cranium for the past four hours. It was fun at first, but looking back I wouldn't be the least surprised if someone killed due to a hormonal state caused by Cranium the boardgame. At one point a guy who my roommate is interested in called and Steph yelled "We're playing Cranium you insensitive whore". This led to a discussion in which the majority decided that sensitive whores were much better than the insensitive variety. Frankly, I like cuddling, so a little sensitivity works out ;). Did other things happen today besides the Cranium game which nearly started WW3? Of course. I think I did well on my philosophy test this afternoon, I've been invited to apply for the National Scholars Honor Society, I've been invited, and will soon accept an invitation to a sorority, thanks to my mom who is paying the base fee, I've decided to only pay for one ticket to broadway at my own expense, and surprise surprise I could not get ahold of Travis. I really miss my NY friends, and pizza. But that is for a more melancholy entry i suppose. I also had a rather stretched out and uneventful night at work, and payday is this coming tuesday, which means my car will be insured for a while longer. As far as the financial situation goes, my only hope is to get a better paying job...heck, one that pays would be a step up. love yas!!! Current mood:  bouncyWednesday, February 8, 200612:55AM - sorority prankOkay, so the past few days I have been worried about if the sorority would change jen at all or not, but for the most part that was just a way to let my emotional buildup out so that I wouldn´t break down completely. But hey, I have really good friends to help pick me up when I´m down and out...seriously, the past week has been a season of twilight zone shows. But this entry is far from about that. So I had lunch with Jen today and told her about everything that was going on...including what I was worried about and what Josh was worried about...of course, Jen wasn't changing at all. She erased her profile because she was attempting to put new quotes in it, and although the time thing was somewhat due to being in a sorority, she also got a new job this week. No worries right? So Jen and I thought it would be cool to pull a good prank on Josh...don't worry, he even liked it. Essentially we played off of the whole ditching her friends for her sisters and confused the hell out of some, drew others into a great argument, and then without missing much of a beat confessed that it was a prank. Kenny bit harder than Josh did, but Josh set it up perfectly. He brought the subject up, asked all the right questions, and then confronted Jen, making the perfect stopping point. Thank you Josh for helping so much with pulling a prank on you :) Current mood:  cheerfulMonday, February 6, 20064:22PM - home lifeIf she does this I will never speak to any of them again. Why the hell should I give them that after how they've let her treat me? It may take longer, but I am strong and I can manage without my family or their dirty guilt trip money. Current mood:  stressedSunday, February 5, 20065:55PM - medical emergencyWhy do good people become overwhelmed by that which is stressful and unequal in this world? Amanda isn't a kindred spirit or anything; she's too conservative for that. However, she is something of a small child at heart. She's so innocent and wholesome, if you believe that things like this exist, she's an angel. Absolutely nothing exceeds her willingness to give to and/ or for her friends or even complete and utter strangers. So why is it that a person such as Amanda is brought to believe that she is inferior and even have all of these health problems? It is absolutely so frustrating!!! It makes me want to smack fate in the face and drop kick reality. Perhaps this would make more sense if I explain what just happened today. Amanda and Laura were going to Target this morning, and I asked if I could possibly come, as I needed brake fluid for Armand. SOon my baby will be functional again...and yes, my car is named after a vampire. Deal with it. Anyways, we went to Target and shopped for two and a half hours...there were three of us with much different shopping needs. So we got that done, and random fact, Amanda bought pink cowboy boots. Back on subject, on the way back i asked if we could stop to pick up sushi. Which, I am now craving, but I think I shall get it after I get Armand back...something to look forward to:). So, on the way to the sushi Laura and I noticed that Amanda was having trouble staying awake. At this point Laura was driving, so don't be scared for us. Obviously, we made it. I'm writing this. Anyways, I started talking to Amanda about how she felt. She said that her head hurt and that she felt "like a fish". I'm no medical personel, however that seemed rather bad to me. So I called my mother. Hey, I may not get along with her all the time, but she has just as much random and relevant knowledge as I do. She said it was probably an adverse reaction to the new medication, so to keep an eye on her and if it got worse to call a medic. Well, it got worse by the time we got back to school (we went straight back btw, so don't think we're stupid like that). I tried to find an EMS person we knew, he refused, and I made the call. After that, they thought the same thing as my mother did and called for an ambulance. A FIRETRUCK SHOWED UP!!! I understand that firemen are trained to handle every possible world crises (i know, anti pig and pro fireman it's odd) however, it freaked me out as she was not on fire at that particular moment. After another test at the mention that she hadn't eaten yet today, they discovered that it was low blood sugar and off to the hospital she goes. It's just not fair. She worries me on occasion. Oh, and since we're on the subject why the hell are there drugs on the market that can cause death? I mean to get that on the label i would think it would be a significant number. The Drug Companies are on my list for beings that need to have their asses kicked by schoolyard children. GRR. Current mood: aggravated2:29AM - argokay so, whenever i do something entirely harmless the wierdest things happen. For instance: tonight my friends wanted to go see the movie Rent at this chill Dollar Theatre downtown. So they picked me up from work and we went. The movie was interesting, and props to the director for the chill creative effects. I also liked the fact that they used some of the castmembers from the show. ARG...TANGENT!! Anyways, after the movie was over we were walking back to Amanda's car when she discovered that her car keys were missing from her purse. (WOoT). After searching the theatre, we checked the Jeep, and they were in the ignition. Of course, the car was locked. With my dinner, all ID, keys, work uniform, make-up, mp3 player, and other miscellaneous things. Also, some of Laura's things were locked up in there. So, as I'm trying to find something to pick the lock with, who pulls up but a pig. As if the night couldn't get anymore interesting, let's throw a cop into the mix. Okay, so she was a nice version of cop, but on a power trip none the less. So as we were waiting for Mario to show up, the cop lady allowed us to sit in her car...well, a bit more of a strong urgence. I sat up front, and Cassie, Laura, and Amanda sat in the cage. Of all my friends I'd expect to end up in a cop car with, those three aren't on the list. I found it rather funny, as did they. Cassie even asked me to take a picture at one point. Of course I was uneasy, as it is a general rule of thumb of mine not to get into a cop car. (I am sincerely anti-cop). So as we're waiting in the slightly warmer car, the cop lady tells us how she slightly abuses power here and there and forces criminals to listen to bad music. At one point she even threatened to drop Amanda off in the drug dealer district. Scared Amanda a little and really just made the rest of us raise our eyebrows a little. Frankly, no one else i've met would leave a church goin southern belle to her own devices on a bustlin corner or threaten to "sacrifice" her "to the gods of cocaine". Although they may or may not worship those same gods. Cop power just corrupts. ARG...TANGENT!!! So, after about as much as I could take of bein in a cop car, Mario showed up in Marc's car and took us back to the college. On the way, there was one of those annoying townie guys making the signal to roll down my window. I mean ugh seriously. So since I never think before I speak, the next thing out of my mouth was "aww...aren't you compensatin for somethin?!" Seriously. He was in one of those unnecessarily large pick em up trucks and had a mean lookin carpet rat on his lap. I swear!! Only I could go to see a movie with no other intentions, and with nice-girl friends, and not only end up in a cop car, but have another friend pick us up and proceed to be hit on and be a bit of a bitch to the guy who obviously has low confidence in the area anyways. Most others would have atleast given him the rejection line number!!! seriously, i should work on that. But then again, it's generally my truth sayin that gets me into these miniature journies of life. Over and out!! Current mood:  pensive |
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